Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Recognizing and Resisting Teen Dating Abuse

Teen dating violence is a more common issue than we would like to believe and often goes unnoticed or unaddressed. In the United States, nearly 1.5 million high school students experience physical abuse from a dating partner each year. Recognizing the signs of teen dating violence, knowing how to provide support, and accessing available resources are crucial steps in combating this alarming trend.

Understanding Teen Dating Violence:

Teen dating violence encompasses a range of abusive behaviors, including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, and digital abuse. It can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender, race, or socioeconomic status. Many teens may not recognize the signs of abuse or may feel ashamed or afraid to seek help.

Signs to Look For

Physical Signs:

In a teen experiencing dating violence, unexplained injuries or bruises may appear as a recurring pattern, often in areas easily concealed by clothing. They might offer vague explanations or avoid discussing how they got hurt altogether, fearing repercussions from their abusive partner.

Frequent accidents or injuries with inconsistent explanations could be a red flag. The teen might provide different stories to cover up the abuse, leading to inconsistencies when questioned. These incidents may occur with alarming frequency, indicating a deeper issue. Changes in clothing to conceal marks or injuries might involve wearing long sleeves or pants, even in warm weather, to hide bruises or scars. They may become unusually secretive about their wardrobe choices or refuse to participate in activities that would reveal their injuries, further isolating themselves from peers and loved ones.

Emotional Signs:

In a teen experiencing dating violence, signs of low self-esteem or self-worth might manifest as constant self-doubt, seeking validation from their partner, or making excuses for their partner’s abusive behavior. They may believe they deserve the mistreatment or feel unworthy of healthy love.

Withdrawal from family and friends could involve isolating themselves, avoiding social gatherings, or making excuses to spend less time with loved ones. They might fear judgment or worry that disclosing the abuse will make things worse. Mood swings or sudden changes in behavior may be evident as the teen struggles to cope with the abuse. They might oscillate between moments of sadness, anger, or anxiety, often without clear triggers. These fluctuations can be a result of the emotional turmoil caused by the abusive relationship, making it challenging for them to maintain a stable emotional state.

Verbal and Psychological Signs:

In a teen experiencing dating violence, constant criticism or belittling may manifest as their partner undermining their self-confidence and worth through disparaging remarks about their appearance, abilities, or intelligence. This ongoing verbal abuse can gradually erode their self-esteem, leaving them feeling worthless or inadequate.

Threats of violence or harm may be used as a means of control, instilling fear in the teen to comply with their partner’s demands or expectations. These threats can range from explicit statements of physical harm to more subtle forms of intimidation, creating a climate of fear and uncertainty in the relationship. Monitoring phone calls or texts can indicate an abusive dynamic where the partner aims to exert dominance and control over the teen’s life. They may scrutinize their every move, invade their privacy, and restrict their interactions with others, isolating them from friends and family. This behavior reinforces the abuser’s control while undermining the teen’s autonomy and independence.

Sexual Signs:

In a teen experiencing dating violence, pressure or coercion into sexual activity may involve their partner using various tactics such as guilt-tripping, threats, or manipulation to compel them into sexual acts against their will. This coercion can create a sense of powerlessness and undermine their ability to assert boundaries or consent freely.

Unwanted advances or touching may occur when the teen’s partner disregards their objections or discomfort, persisting despite clear indications of refusal. These advances can range from unwelcome gestures to invasive physical contact, leaving the teen feeling violated and unsafe in the relationship. Sexual insults or degradation may take the form of demeaning comments, objectification, or verbal abuse targeting the teen’s sexuality or body. Such remarks can inflict deep emotional wounds, contributing to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and diminished self-worth.

Digital Signs:

For teens experiencing domestic violence, the digital world can become another battleground for control and manipulation. Monitoring social media accounts or emails is a common tactic used by abusive partners to track their every move, invade their privacy, and isolate them from friends and support networks. This constant surveillance can leave teens feeling trapped and powerless, with nowhere to turn for help.

Moreover, threatening or harassing messages online exacerbate the sense of fear and intimidation as abusers leverage technology to extend their reach beyond physical boundaries. These messages can be explicit threats of violence or more subtle forms of coercion designed to maintain dominance and control over the teen’s life.

Additionally, controlling or manipulating online activities further reinforces the abuser’s power dynamics. They may dictate who the teen can communicate with, restrict their access to certain websites or platforms, or even impersonate them online to sabotage relationships or spread false information. This insidious form of abuse not only erodes the teen’s sense of autonomy but also exacerbates feelings of isolation and helplessness.

How to Help

Start a Conversation:

    • Approach the teen in a non-judgmental and supportive manner.
    • Express concern for their well-being and safety.
    • Listen actively and validate their feelings without blaming or shaming.

Offer Support:

    • Let the teen know they are not alone, and that help is available.
    • Encourage them to confide in a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or counselor.
    • Provide resources and information about teen dating violence hotlines or support groups.

Create a Safety Plan:

    • Help the teen identify safe places to go in case of an emergency.
    • Develop strategies for avoiding or de-escalating potentially dangerous situations.
    • Encourage them to set boundaries and assert their rights in the relationship.

Seek Professional Help:

    • Encourage the teen to speak with a therapist or counselor who specializes in teen dating violence.
    • Offer to accompany them to appointments or provide transportation if needed.
    • Contact local law enforcement or domestic violence shelters for assistance.


National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

    • Provides confidential support and resources for individuals experiencing domestic violence, including teens.

The Bridge Over Troubled Waters Hotline: 713-473-2801

    • Offers training to schools, businesses, and churches.
    • 24/7 Live Chat bottom right corner of the website. The Bridge

Teen dating violence is a serious and often overlooked issue that requires attention and action from parents, educators, and communities. By recognizing the signs of abuse, providing support to those in need, and accessing available resources, we can help prevent and address teen dating violence and create safer, healthier relationships for all young people.